He's just like a drug

I hate myself sometimes, for unable to move on from what obviously isn't mine to begin with. he didn't even have any interest in me, and i didn't even show my interest on him, so i better let go. i finally stop talking abt him a few weeks ago, and stop thinking about him after x seeing him for almost a month. But ever since i started to see him again, at such an unavoided situation, i started to think more of him, i feel the urge to see him again, i feel like if i didn't see him, i feel i'm going crazy. He really have the power to make me stress... SOmetimes i got into depression because i cant express my feeling freely and can't do anything about it.I feel like a fool, so helpless and so stupid for going on to keep on liking him, pabo..silly me. And i guess, that is how people that are addicted to drugs behave... keep on craving for more,, need the supply now and then, and feel stress and helpless when the drug is not there.
I keep on repeating the cycle, i know it bt i never change. hate myself for that.  Damn.... GOt to go now...

I bet i got addicted to him just like i got addicted to Mr. Choi Seung Hyun....

STEREO LOVE

Suddenly thinking of d melody of this song... I really luv dis song,, feel like y blood is boiling inside when i listen to  it... 

When you gonna stop breaking my heart
I don't wanna be another one
Paying for the things I never done
Don't let go
Don't let go
... to my love

Can I get to your soul
Can you get to my thoughts
Can you promise we won't let go
All the things that I need
All the things that you need
You can make it feel so real

Cause you can't deny
You've blown my mind
When I touch your body
I feel I'm loosing control

Cause you can't deny
You've blown my mind
When I see you baby
I just don't wanna let go

I hate to see you cry
Your smile is a beautiful lie

I hate to see you cry
My love is dying inside

I can fix all those lies
But baby, baby I run, but I'm running to you
You won't see me cry, I'm hiding inside
My heart is in pain but I'm smiling for you


Can I get to your soul
Can you get to my thoughts
Can you promise we won't let go
All the things that I need
All the things that you need
You can make it feel so real

Cause you can't deny
You've blown my mind
When I touch your body
I feel I'm loosing control

Cause you can't deny
You've blown my mind
When I see you baby
I just don't wanna let go

When you gonna stop breaking my heart
Don't let go
Don't let go
... to my love

I hate to see you cry
Your smile is a beautiful lie

I hate to see you cry
My love is dying inside

I hate to see you cry
My love is dying inside

I hate to see you cry 
Your smile is a beautiful lie

I can fix all those lies
But baby, baby I run, but I'm running to you
You won't see me cry, I'm hiding inside
My heart is in pain but I'm smiling for you
Oh baby I'll try to make the things right
I need you more than air when I'm not with you
Please don't ask me why, just kiss me this time
My only dream is about you and i

For Last December

I have a blast birthday in Seoul Garden last december thnx to all my besties...love you gals... i got great gifts too, jewelery box, shoes, 1 blouse n 1 cape, n also a table lamp.... thnx a lot,,  love em all.... ^^

For xmas, i got gift frm Emma,, and also for d xmas party, i receive a cute cat doll, thnx 2 d unknown person, which i only know he is a male student.... dat night i also get to snap some pix with most of the frens frm church n my favourite guy there....<3 plus, though it's sounds childish and foolish, he like my status the next morning....is the present frm him? i wonder....

there are also a wonderful outing to sutera mall, we leisurely going out eating Subway...wooo...delicious and get me addicted... hope can hit thre at the nearest time....

on the new year, we ate like a rich person in secret recipe, eating spagetti, banana split, cheese cake and many more.... yup, i didn't hit the club that day cause i see the importance of me going to church, getting a new year blessing and seeing the guy that i like b4 the year is ending...heheheh.... n 1 of th ereason i refuse to go clubbing is beccause there's someone i refuse to see is gonig too. i just don't feel like meeting him. not now, not in the nearest time. It's a pain for me to just to think about that person even though there's nothing happen between us. in conclusion, there's no need to meet him in the nearest time. Oh yeah, my favourite guy also like my status on the new year morning... nothing important, it just that i feel happy that he actually see the status n like it. since he doesn't play much FB and he is a quiet type, it does make an impact.

recently i rarely see him, i don't even react or do any interaction with him, there would probably nothing happen between us, we''re not even friends. But let's just say, liking him from a distance is also good, since he is too famous among his friends and hard to reach.

Oh.... forget to tell, he reminds me of our resident Bad Boy, TOP.... ^^

Fan girling moment .... <3

 My favourite guy with my favourite flower..... <3

Change in Personality

Damn,,i'm sure is a jealous freak and being very possesive over something that i dont even possess... i'm really feeling scared now... whatever is coming in front of me, i can't control myself.... i know i'm a jealouse freak frm the beginning,,, bt i didn't expect it to be so crucial...that is so scary... why i am being like this..if the thing really happen,, then it''lll be over so soon... hopefully it doesn;t that show and make everyone fed up and hate me.... =(

All i want for....

BIRTHDAY...













 A GIFT from heaven...




XMAS ????

















Also a GIFT from heaven.....



NEW YEAR???

GIFT from heaven as well...

So, dear God, plz hear me this year.... Plz send me the gift from heaven soon..... Send all my love to You....

Luv u,
XOXO
ayumi

It's my Birthday...Soon..^^

Yippee!!! it's my birthday soon, probably in 2 weeks time.... Actually i'm a bit sad since i wasn't at home celebrating my b'day..last birthday i have, we're eating out at restaurant... the past b''day too, either it's a BBQ party or anything else.... it's x as beautiful as it sounds, but of course it is the best if we're celebrating it with the family members. But this is the 2nd time i'm celebrating it away frm home... last time was in matrix, around 4 yrs ago,,, with my roomies and my neighbors...
there are also a celebrating last yr,,bt it ws ahead of my birthday,, n i am x dat surprise la,,since i can smell it beforehand... this yr,, i'm x sure if there will be celebration wif my fellow frineds,,since we all been very busy n we are a bit short of money.... eotekhae? bt if they were going to celebrate, then i;m going to be very thankful la,,, if x,, it's ok,,, i''m x expecting much anyway.... (poor me)...x to say anything, bt as far as i remember, only 1 of them ever give me b'day gift...thnx a lot peeps....but anyway, ,the rest of them have been good to me for the past 3 yrs we have been friends and it is more than enough,,, u gals r my bestest frined in the world, u know.... don't forget and ignore me when we're done studying in the future.... =)

Review 4 dis week

first of all, after going to the class and been through the whole week, i think taking green neighborhood thesis is not dat bad,,,, I hv to bear with the lecturer though, but it still better be done in order for me to retrieve a gud research topic, retrieve my shame towards the things that happen during my internship, etc.
FYI, my thesis topic is officially on Backlanes.... yup, a very controversial 1, since it is going to be "DO WE REALLY NEED BACKLANES?" I really have to work my hardest to convince the board of planners to accept my title, and also to convince the planner outside UTM on my thesis outcome in the latter part.... but the challenge probably could help a lot in earning points for gud grades in thesis, if by GOD's will.

                              *                                                *                                                              *

I saw a weird post in the FB, someone is whining abt x having someone to turn to when is needing it.... whatever it is,, i do feel bad for dat person, coz i let out all my anger and stress and worries toward dat person, and dat person have nobody to tell abt it..... it's' own stress adding up with all my complaints, probably could make dat people aging faster than previously,,,,hahhaa,,,, I only can say: "Gud Luck.."

the rest of my life for this week is quite busy, since the convo, i still hv to catch up with the studio, and get my transport assignment done.... i even caught a flu + sore throat..now i started to lose my voice, bt dis is due to the 3 hr karox session in addition of the sore throat la.... hopefully i can recover over the weekend....

xoxo =P