Hi, feel good to write again.. it’s been a long day since I last write the post,, since it feels scary to me that anyone might be reading my post even though I never gave this blog’s link to other people,, It’s spooky but I always have this fear.
Let’s talk about betrayal and all the things that got in between in it. Hate to say this, but I know some of the BFF I have did betray me once in a while, it’s obvious. But what can I say?? I’ve been through this a lot, I have a lot of friends that have betrays me, not only friends that I have, but also family, especially my cousins…yeah, better watch out cause we can’t trust other people.
My so called BFF(oh is it really BFF?), from all the level of education I’ve been, always betray me. My high school friend, my matrix friends, and even my uni friends, there have been not even once in my life that people being sincere to me. From my elementary years, I don’t really have one, since my dad keep on transfer, and I transfer school too often, but one thing for sure, they are also from the popular clique, well, I never been too far from the popular clique. Probably I look most pathetic there. I never feel it that way. To be honest, I think I never had a real friend in my life, or maybe I was blind or whatsoever, but I feel it that way. And I just being dumb and forgive them, as if nothing happen, and treating them like normal. I guess that is why I always being cold and doesn’t talk much. And even I do appear like I am telling everything to every single BFF I have, the truth is, there are things that I keep to myself, only me, no one else, most probably if ever need to talk about it, it will be on this blog, or perhaps, any animal that I have, at least, they can’t tell it to another human being. And probably the reasons why I have built this tall and thick wall, probably as thick as the Great Wall of China around me, so that no one can really came near me, the nearest they can get is 5cm close and there is still a spell that I casted long ago… =P
My high school friends, from my form 1-form 2, I have this group of friends, most of them are popular girl at school. We are close, but we never really hangout outside of school. Why? Because I was jailed in the house. I don’t have anything fun that I can remember when I was in the high school. My whole life is being blocked by my mum, she is the queen and all I can do is to listen to her. But back then, I was not as rebellious as I am now. Up to form 3, my class has changed, got new friends and I thought that she is a real close friend. We are quite close up until form 5. We always be seen together, but yes, there are walls, we didn’t really tell each other secret, because we don’t trust each other, and plus, we are actually competitors with each other. My situation is like, people like to be friends with me but at the same time, they always got something to hate about me, eventually we are just friends with benefit. But the miserable thing is actually happen in the matrix. Where I actually enroll for 1 yr program and she had 2 yrs program. That’s when she feel defeated and decide to being a jerk and ignore me, and we did stop being friends for 2 years and only back to what is used to be when she got into the uni. And I, just make it as if nothing had happened before and still being her friend. Well, just let it be, she was once a friend, and will always be one, plus, I have a lot of other friends around if she decide to leave again. And I still going to welcome her if she wants to be friends again.
My uni friends, actually they are the people who are a lot closer to me. they are the bestest friends I ever had. We open up a bit, being crazy a lot, and have fun a lot for all this while. But there are some particular friend that betrayed the rest of us, and did major damage to all of us. Probably that person will never get into me again, if she tries, plus, I am just a nobody and a ‘kawan biasa’, no big deal. But apart from that character, there are also someone, who, I can’t trust too much, due to her childishness and unpredictable temper. She always betray me and cursed me when she get mad, but being a nice person when she cools down. I am confused too, but she is a person that I don’t know how to react to this situation. But even though my uni BFF did betray me once in a while, I think that my friendship with them are the best. And the most precious of all.
