April fool

I never really celebrated it once, not really into this prank things. But today, I really feel like I got pranked. I cried a lot today, I never been this hurt before. I think the last time I cried this much is the day I thought that Si Won is going to get married, and the day that I officially decide not to look at him anymore.

                Earlier yesterday, during Dr.Nooraini class, there was an announcement made in class, ‘whoever interested to go to Korea, please fill in your name.’ Of course you know what I feel when I finally write my name there, even though there are possibility that I will be going, I still have a doubt about it, but I am very extremely happy. I even thought of what to do, what to wear, what to buy when I got there. My friends even have a list of item for me to buy there. It’s like a dream come true for me, I thought even if I didn’t make it to Harvard Summer School, at least I will be making it for Korea Summer School. I laugh all the way back, as if I thought my days to Korea are finally going to come true, sooner than I thought. The whole day I was being exited, but there is one thing that I missed in filling the paper, I don’t write my CGPA yet. I thought it was haven’t being submitted yet, so I was taking things slow. I thought that the opportunity of going was equal to everybody, we just need to pass an interview. Silly silly me.

                This morning, I go to meet Dr. Norsiah, I go to her office to settle it down, to write down my CGPA. As soon as I told her about Korea, she said, ‘I have removed your name because of insufficient data.’ DANG!!!! I was still able to smile when she told me. but as I go to DSI, I got straight into the toilet and cry a few drops of tears due to my frustration, I cannot cry longer because I have to got back to the studio, plus, I can’t even show my tears to my friends, even the closest one, unless it’s an accident. Only after I came into my room, I cried myself to sleep. I find comfort to myself, since I can’t complain about it, I don’t even have anybody to complaint it with, and my friends have their own problem to settle.

                In the end, I just told myself, one day I will go to Korea with my own money, live there for a while, if it’s good enough maybe I could date 1 of them. I will definitely do it, because I am talented and more than the average planner. I also find the comfort in the song ‘TVXQ-She’.

“She is very prideful
She never cries
How strong of a person she is”

           

Of course, there is no one who think of me this way, no one ever took or even look at me seriously. I gave up on finding someone who will try to understand my complexes and personality.